Burnout, Moving Forward, and Brute Force

When nothing works, the best is what's worked in the past.

My life has never been perfect but it’s still quite fine. On average, I’m a happy dude, often seen as optimistic to others while I consider myself a pessimist. I feel down for only few reasons, the most common being when I disappoint myself.

I don’t allow myself to let down other people in general. If I said I’d do something, I do it. If I can help someone, I’ll do it. Still, I sometimes don’t live up to the promises I’ve made,¹ but it never hurts me more than the promises I make to myself.

Nothing in this world is perfect but we still strive for perfection over and over.

Language learning is no exception.

Most language learners give up early as they realize the mountain ahead of them to reach the fated “fluency” level. Many don’t even start, out of self-doubt they could do it—side note, yes, they definitely could.

Many also go the other way around and aim to reach a native-like level of fluency just because they think that’s the only option possible. I’ve done this too. Hell, one of my (very very) long-term goals is to pass the Kanji Kentei Level 1, a test made for Japanese people that only 3000 people take per year.²

Perfection feels like a strict set goal. It’s not. It’s vague and it’s the door to disappointment. You’ll always find reasons to think there’s a level above if you ever even got close.

So why am I rambling about all this?

Because I think I’ve looked down upon myself enough. Sure, not publishing on time, not studying as seriously as I planned, failing to track my time well, and so on.

I’ve burnt myself out and I’ll fix it the only way I know works for me.

Brute force a step forward.

When I look back at my life, the only times I’ve felt truly proud of what I had accomplished was when I hadn’t been so kind to myself. I purposively forced myself to feel bad on some parts so I’d be better in other areas.

For better or for worse, I’ve spent the last few years focusing on my own happiness but the more I think about it, the more I realize I was likely happier before. A recent paper I fell upon made me reconsider: Overthinking Happiness Can Lower Life Satisfaction.

But what does this have to do with languages?

Well, I’m nowhere near finishing the many Korean books I bought last year and was planning on reading this year. I tried to force myself to read a lot in August but that only made me burnt out even more.

I want to read some Korean but I don’t feel the need to do it so much.

I want to use the knowledge I’ve amassed about learning instead of being so random about it. I’ll talk about this more in the coming weeks though.

I’ll go to the Polyglot Conference in Malta in about 2 months. There, I hope to join in some conversations in Mandarin but I’m nowhere near comfortable in Chinese. This means I need to focus on this.

And when it comes to improving my speaking skills, I’ve got four options:

• Speaking classes

• Language meetups

• Shadowing

• Tutors

The first is one I didn’t think I’d ever turn to but the Confucius Institute has a one-year class starting at the end of the month. It’s at an inconvenient time but I feel it’s the only option that’d truly force me to speak so I’ll register for it.

The second is one I’ve been planning on doing for months but have found excuse after excuse each week to push back. So this is my official announcement: I’ll join one in the next week and a half at the latest.

The third is the only one I can do alone and at any time. Shadowing is basically repeating some audio, trying to mimick as much as possible the tone, rhythm, etc. From now on, I’ll spend at least 5-10 minutes daily shadowing some audio I’ll find online. Yesterday was my first day and I shadowed this video for 12 minutes.

The last is one I prefer to keep as a last resort if I still feel afraid to speak two weeks before the Polyglot Conference.

I’m not going to beat around the bush, I’m angry at myself for having let myself go.

I am, however, happy to feel the fire lit within me. This urge to improve and move forward.

This piece is also the first of the new school year in France³ more or less so let’s move past my delays and be excited about what’s to come. I’ve got one Lesser-Known Language piece coming soon and a list of useful prompts to use for language learning as well.

So, yeah, that’s it for today. A more reflective piece which somehow sounds negative when I re-read it while also feeling hella positive to me.

Anyway. I’m back. And it feels good.

Cheers for reading and see you next week!

1. For example, I said I’d publish a few pieces this summer and never ended up doing it.

2. In 2023, 2,447 people took it. Only 192 passed. I don’t have the data for nationalities but, most years, it’s 99.9% Japanese.

3. Not that it should have any impact on me since I left Uni almost 10 years ago.